Well it's coming upto a month since my last post, honestly haven't known what to write despite numerous times thinking "oh I'll post this when I get home".
Ever since receiving the fateful voicemail and speaking to Heidi I feel I've lost control of my life. Beginning with the mad dash back from London to 4 Oaks (and getting lost on underground in my panic), seeing and weeping with the wonderful ppl in Sutton (my bro even came back from uni especially to be with me, Rob's so amazing!), coming back to London to the joys of McDonald's to keep busy, then a week later being told mine is 1 of 5 roles being relocated to Sutton Office as part of major UK Accounts Re-structure, 2 days before coming back to Sutton for Matt & Chris's Funeral/ Thanksgiving Services......THE hardest days of my life and of so many others' Im sure. Sleep has become a problem, keeping myself so busy with work/socialising not allowing myself time to rest, to reflect and most importantly to give it all over to God......... I'd greatly appreciate prayers for discipline and a level-head at this time.
Can't help feeling selfish in saying how totally lost and confused at how I am/ should be feeling and dealing with the loss of Chris & Matt..... I know so many people knew and spent much more time with them than I did, but Matt especially has a major impact on my life. Knowing I could always text, email or call him even from London was such a comfort and I guess something I took for granted. Whatever I needed help/advice/support on Matt would always come up trumps such was his gifting from God. I have nothing but happy, random, comedy memories of times shared........ in fact the last I saw of Matt was in the presence of God at Soul Survivor: Momentum in August. I left early to catch train, normally Id hug Heidi and do the old BB-handshake with Matt, but we had a proper manly-hug which I now see as God's way of allowing me to say 'goodbye' from this life. Ok this brings me to tears but it's ok to weep, something I've learnt from this tragedy.
Don't know how/when it will get any more bearable to take on board M&C's departure but little things like nice/funny pictures of Matt/Heidi and listening to his 'Soundtrack to your life' songs do give me a sense of peace.
Right now I have a big career decision to make, Matt is one of the 1st people I wanted to go to for advice, Heidi you have so much going on that I dare not bother you right now. So I'm down 2 advisors, prayers, clear-thinking and most importantly time with God are what will guide me but that's so much easier written than actioned!
Anyway I won't ramble on any further, the words have stopped coming as it's 5am on Sat morning 23 hours since I last was asleep! (Does anyone know if blogspot limits number of photos uploaded each day? Tried numerous times to upload to this post, yet it allowed me to put loads on my next post?!)
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2 comments:
Chris you need sleep; it's the bodies repair time, the brain gives us dreams that's how we sort our emotions and work out problems, it helps us to regenerate or muscles and all sorts of things. Sleep is really important. Follow these simple guidelines to a good night’s sleep.
1) Take a hot bath just before bedtime
2) Have a hot milky drink
3) Take a good with you.
Now when you are feeling tired take the bath, then have the drink then go to bed and read the book, you will soon fall to sleep. It may take a few attempts to get a full night’s sleep, but one you have had a few good night’s sleep, making those big decisions will seem much easier.
hey you,
I can unerstand the confusion.. wish i could help :) we'll all get through this just take time i guess.
I hope you come through changed, i hope we all do.
It's the way life just slips back into normality thats weird and i know my head is not with the life thats happening...
hmmmmmm
we'll get through this...
God promises it... so he has too.
Love ya
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